You hear a lot of men complaining about the lack of attention and affection in their relationships. I was one of them. Most women typically equate attention and affection with sex. I don’t know how many times in my marriage I would communicate my needs and my wife would say something like “it all comes back to sex with you” when sex wasn’t the issue.
Most men don’t communicate it well enough to be understood by women, and that’s our fault as men. I often wonder if I would have known how to describe it if things would have been different but it took me years to figure out. What we’re referring to is DESIRE.
It’s not that he lost interest, it’s that he thought you weren’t interested.
Studies show that 95% of men say that it’s important for them to feel sexually desired, with 9% saying that it’s the most critical piece of a relationship. But desire doesn’t necessarily mean sex. 40% of men said that verbal expressions were important. 12% mentioned a seductive look or meaningful glance. 34% mentioned non-sexual contact such as a slap on the butt when you’re walking by, cuddling on the couch just to feel their touch. This makes a man not only feel desirable, but also special.
When a woman initiates sex it’s a sign of desire. Over 27% of men felt desired as a result of their partner initiating sex. Men want women to take a more dominant role in instigation of sexual activities. If a woman shows a man that he turns her on he feels more desired and aroused. Having one partner always initiate intimacy leaves them feeling less desirable than the other. Couple this along with rejection to those advances yet women will still wonder why their man stops doing these things for them. It’s not that he lost interest, it’s that he thought you weren’t interested.
In fact, a recent study has shown that there is a direct correlation between how men feel about their desirability and their erectile function. The more undesired a man feels, the more likely he is to experience ED.
Having women initiate sex more often would serve two big functions. Always having to initiate was listed as fatiguing and boring and made it hard to tell if their partner was actually into it. When the man puts all of the work and effort of foreplay and sex it becomes more like a chore than a stimulating experience.
Men who don’t feel desired and are always the ones to initiate sexual intimacy have reported higher levels of erectile dysfunction than men who feel desired.
Overall only 12.1% of men were reportedly satisfied with how desired they felt. That means over 87% of men felt undesired. Does anyone really believe that’s healthy and the way a relationship should be? If 87% of women felt undesired in a relationship how long would they stick around or be faithful? We already know that 70% of divorced are initiated by women so why are men sticking around in these situations?
Personally I can say that this is the only reason for my divorce. I stepped out during my marriage because I didn’t feel desired and sought that feeling elsewhere. Had my wife at the time given me the desire I needed then I wouldn’t have the need to find it elsewhere. So women, take note.
The societal expectations of men and women are clearly at odds with reality. Feminism has been extremely successful in creating a society that blames men for all of its ills. Men are not a monolith, therefore their feelings and decisions should not be governed by one commonly held belief. Desire is a basic human need that spans all genders and is not confined to one specific gender. It drives men to be faithful and pursue romantic relationships. When desire is absent, then the relationship is doomed from the start.
