Breaking up is hard to do, but getting over an ex can be even harder. When you are trying to get over an ex, sometimes it can feel like it’s an impossible feat. You may have gone through the five stages of grief, but you still find yourself thinking about them all the time. But why?
Memories
The memories we make with others are some of the most cherished moments in our lives. Whether it was a happy experience or a difficult one, those memories are still there, and will always be a part of us. We shared those memories with that person, and they helped shape who we are today. Even if that person is no longer in our lives, we can still look back on those memories and appreciate them. They may have been gone for a while, but they’re never really forgotten. The longer the amount of time you spend with someone, the stronger that bond becomes because you have created memories together and regardless if those memories were good or bad, they are still there and they can be difficult to forget.
First love
When you think about your first love, what comes to mind? If you’re like most people, you probably remember that person as being incredibly special to you. You may have thought that your love was so strong that it would last forever. Unfortunately, most first loves don’t end up lasting.
There’s something about your first love that just feels different from any other relationship you’ve been in. Maybe it’s the excitement of finally being in a relationship after spending so much time pining for the other person. Or maybe it’s the intensity of the feelings you have for each other.
It can be very hard for some people to let go of their first love. You shared something so special and intimate that it feels impossible to move on. Why is it so hard? Science may have the answer.
When you’re in love, your brain releases a flood of dopamine, oxytocin and vasopressin. These hormones work together to create feelings of happiness, euphoria and attachment. The bond you form with your first love is especially strong because these hormones are working overtime.
But when the relationship ends, your brain goes into withdrawal. All those happy hormones disappear, leaving you feeling sad, lonely and anxious. It’s no wonder it’s so hard to get over your first love – your brain is literally telling you not to let go!
Your first love is usually an experience that you’ll never forget.
Unsure
You may have recently ended a relationship, and you’re feeling unsure about your decision. You think to yourself, “Maybe I should have given my ex one more chance.” You believe that they deserve another opportunity due to all the good times you shared together. Even though there were bad times too, you recall all the happy moments and convince yourself that things could go back to the way they used to be if only you tried again. Unfortunately, this is not always the case. Statistics show that only about 20% of breakups actually result in reconciliation.
They’re still in your life
There are many reasons that an ex may still be in your life. If you have kids with them, or work together. Or even if you just live in the same area and see each other out and about. Maybe you thought you were ready for the breakup, but when it finally happened you realized that you weren’t every time you saw them. Some of these things you can change. You can always move or find a new job, but if you have kids together it can feel impossible to move on.
You may feel like you are stuck in limbo, not knowing how to proceed. You may be worried about how the interactions with your ex affects your children and what the future holds for them. These are valid concerns, but you need to focus on what is best for you and your children. They need to see that their parents can still get along and cooperate even though they are no longer together. This can be tough, but with some effort it is definitely possible. You will need to communicate with your ex and put the children’s needs first. It may take some time, but eventually you will be able to move on and create a new life for yourself and your children.
No closure
Closure is a powerful tool that can help us process difficult life experiences. It is the sense of understanding and resolution we feel when we have completed a significant event or chapter in our lives. Closure allows us to move on, to put the past behind us and to look ahead to the future. It is an important step in healing and can help us rebuild our lives after a trauma.
Closure is not always possible, especially in cases of tragedy or loss. But when it is available, it can be very healing. It can help us come to terms with what has happened, understand why it happened, and find a way to go on living. Closure gives us a sense of control over our lives and helps us feel like we are moving forward.
In conclusion, it’s hard to get over an ex because of the memories and love you shared. Even though they’re no longer in your life, they still affect you in some way. The unknown is also a big part of why people find it so difficult to move on. You never know what could have happened if they stayed in your life. Ending things can be hard, but if the relationship is in question then it’s often the best thing for both parties.
Accept that the relationship is over and don’t try to convince yourself otherwise. Dwelling on what could have been will only make things worse. Give yourself some time to heal. Focus on yourself. Spend time with friends and family, do things you enjoy, and work on becoming the best version of yourself. Don’t look for a new relationship until you’re completely over your old one. It’s natural to want to move on after a breakup, but jumping into a new relationship before you’re fully over your old one can cause more harm than good. If you start dating someone new before you’ve resolved the issues from your last relationship, you’re likely to bring those same problems into your new relationship. It’s also unfair to the person you’re dating if you’re not fully committed to the relationship. Until you’ve dealt with the baggage from your last relationship, it’s best to stay single and focus on yourself.
